You’re stationed at an ‘ergonomically friendly’ desk on the 27th floor of a skyscraper gradually increasing your risk of bowel cancer by sitting in the same hunched over position day after day. It has somehow spanned from months to years in the batting of an eyelid. There’s a perpetually smiling maneki-neko figurine next to your monitor which you affectionately refer to as ‘Ching Ching’. It’s you and the patent gold feline against the corporate world.
Does this scenario sound familiar? Probably not, but it’s going to be used as a springboard to inform ya’ll of what it would be like if you took the career path less travelled. We’ve compiled a list of the top 5 most unusual jobs for you to ponder whilst penning your resignation letter on the back of a napkin in the staff room.
1. Dancing Pallbearer
We shit you not. Choregraphed funerals are considered a necessity in places like Ghana and Nigeria. Mourners pay the big bucks to farewell their deceased loved ones with fist pumping music and flamboyant dance moves. Imagine ‘Sandstorm’ by Darude being blasted in the background of great uncle Bernie’s wake. In addition to this, coffins are also a statement piece on these occasions. They may have fanciful shapes that resemble the dead’s most cherished object, or to represent their profession. From Coca-Cola bottles to airplanes, you name it.
2. Iceberg Mover
This became a possible career path after the tragic sinking of the Titanic in 1912. The International Ice Patrol are responsible for plotting safe routes around the masses of ice or even towing them safely out of ship’s paths. You essentially become a modern-day pirate and environmental warrior, fighting for the rights of defenceless ice mountains.
3. Snake Milker
It’s a profession that entails extracting the venom from our slithering counterparts to use in anti-venoms. Some ballsy fuckers even collect the venom by hand. They softly expose the snake’s fangs and massage out the deadly juices. “The only difference between me and any other company in the world that produces something is that the means of production here can kill you… and wants to,” expressed Ken Darnell, a herpetologist from Alabama.
4. Scuba-Diving Pizza Delivery Man
This one is pretty much self-explanatory. The position is associated with an underwater hotel located beneath Key Largo in Florida. Rob Doyle is likely the first professional of his kind to dabble in this line of work, but we’re hoping that as expanding oceans reclaim more beachside real estate it becomes a more viable trend. When his company receives an order, the aquatic delivery man straps on his gear and secures the precious cargo in a water-tight briefcase. You don’t win friends with soggy pizza.
5. Potato Chip Inspector
It may sound like a job title from The Sims, but someone must push back against the tides of chaos and ensure that your crisps end up looking uniform in their packets. A vigilant snack inspector must stand in front of a conveyer belt identifying the less than desirable looking chips and pluck them out of existence. It can be truly challenging when the starchy morsels are clumped together after being birthed from the fryer. These are the heroes we need.