When I was given the opportunity to interview Milo Yiannopoulos, I asked my Facebook followers if they had any questions for him and was immediately bombarded by a barrage of negativity. “Why would you give that misogynist a platform?” “Really disappointed you’d take the interview at all,” “I don’t understand why you’re doing this, is it because you want click bait?” After reading the third comment insisting that I essentially self-censor, I knew I had to take the interview – because, fuck you guys.
If you want to read a serious interview, my overly serious fellow editor Sean Bruce already interviewed Milo about his political beliefs – you can read it here. I’m not a boring politics guy – life’s already too serious, so I decided instead to talk a bit of smack with Milo. Because I’m not afraid of being offended and neither should you be.
If someone says a thing you don’t like, either do something about it or get over it. Free speech is important and you should be allowed to say whatever you want, whenever you want. For the most part, people don’t say fucked up things that incite violence and make people feel bad – the media might make you think otherwise, but it doesn’t happen. Ultimately, common sense prevails. People are generally kind and humanity is good.
So with this in mind, we decided to ask the world’s most dangerous troll how to pick up chicks, because what else is there in life, really? Either you’re getting laid, or you’re trying to. Fair warning though, there is some seriously triggering content ahead, so if you’re the easily offended type, see that little ‘x’ up in the corner of your screen? Click it now and go about your daily life blissfully unaware. Rest assured there is no content contained in these pages that will harm you. That is, unless, you choose to get offended.
You’re a gay man with Jewish ancestry married to a black man. I figured you’d be a good person to ask for dating advice?
I am. I’m a connoisseur of women.
Of course you are, you’re surrounded by them. As a straight white male, how should I approach a hot feminist?
(Laughs) Oh shit. Just don’t. Not just because it will result in an expensive and lengthy trip to the clinic, but also because no matter how hot she is, or how good the hate fucking is, no amount of great sex is worth the lecture you’ll get about the patriarchy in the morning.
Okay. So, don’t approach, avoid at all costs?
Absolutely. Don’t fuck feminists. You don’t want to reward them for being deranged. Women need to be starved of sex so that they are returned to a sensible point of view and then guided away from feminism. If you have sex with feminists, you’re just encouraging them to continue to be feminists. They have to be punished out of believing these terrible things. It’s a bit like ostracising neo-Nazis. You don’t want to give them oxygen. You don’t want to reward them for their terrible views, you just want to ignore them and hope they go away and hope they see the light, return to society. I would do the same thing with feminists.
I’ve got this friend who comes across as a bit desperate, he never really picks up and he blames everybody else for “snaking him”. His words, “Literally, the only way I can pick up is through being attentive and caring”. What is your advice for this guy?
That’s not true. If you’re being attentive and caring, you’re not really picking up women who are interested in you sexually, you’re just picking up basket cases who need a hug. Clearly, there’s something else wrong with you. Maybe you’re poor, maybe you’re ugly, maybe you have nothing going for you – but the good thing is as a man, you can fix these things really easily. You can fix your diet and start working out and have a good body if women are into that. You could learn to be funny, women like that. You can work harder at your job, women like that too. But you know, if the only women that you’re picking up are because you’re being caring and attentive and loving, I’ve got bad news for you: they’re not really interested in you, they just want someone to love them.
Gavin McInnes, your mate, love the guy, said if it’s been more than two months, go "fuck a fatty" in order to get the ball rolling again. What do you make of this advice?
No, that’s terrible advice. That’s terrible advice. You shouldn’t train yourself to low standards. It’s much better to walk around with blue balls and be so incredibly sexually frustrated that you improve your game rather than lowering your standards. At some point, you don’t want to reward women who don’t put the effort in. Because otherwise, women are just going to go around thinking, well I can get fat and some guy who’s desperate enough sooner or later will sleep with me anyway. It sets up what economists will call perverse incentives for women. You want women to be on their toes. You want women to know that they have to work for it and if you go around fucking fat people, then every woman who lets herself go, is still in with a chance. What you want is to let women know that if they don’t look after themselves, they will never find love. If you reward bad behaviour, all you’re going to get is more bad behaviour.
Does this also apply to men as well?
I don’t really notice fat people. Like, I literally just don’t see them. I think something subconsciously in me kind of like navigates around them. But I really don’t see them. I can’t ever imagine having sex with a fat person because I have too much self-respect, so I really don’t know how to answer the question.
Okay, that’s fine, let’s move onto the next one. Does size matter?
Yes, of course. If anyone who says otherwise, is a liar or is married and has decided that she likes money more than she likes a big dick.
What’s the ultimate way to cock block yourself?
Describe yourself as a feminist. Because no woman you actually want would ever sleep with you after that.
Kevin Spacey deflected his sexual harassment allegations by coming out as gay. As a gay man, do you care that he’s associated himself with the community?
Well, I am gay. I’m very gay and I’ve also been very drunk, but it has never made me want to fuck kids, so Kevin Spacey must be suffering from something other than homosexuality and trying to cloak himself in gay privilege clearly isn’t working I’m happy to say. So, Kevin Spacey can fuck himself.
You’ve obviously got some attractive friends?
As you know, all my friends are hot, I don’t hang out with ugly people.
No, of course not.
Again. I’m just rewarding failure.
In order of importance to pick up hotties, we’ve got 'status', 'money' and 'looks'. Give me one to three.
Well, it’s different for men and for women obviously. So, men will go for looks, then status, then money. Women will go for money, then status, then looks.
Okay. I think that’s reasonable.
Oh, it’s absolutely true.
As a whole for gay relationships, by the way, men look for the same things whether it’s women or men. They’re primarily visual animals – they want to know what it looks like first. And you know, it’s like there are plenty of wealthy men out there who settle down with somebody, get home and realise that they're going to be miserable in bed for 50 years. Terrible error.
What are your thoughts on polyamory? Can we be in love with our partner, but fuck other people?
No, it’s an attractive thing for young people to toy with, who aren’t really ready for commitment. But polyamory is a sort of – it’s a hangover from the medieval period when the social dynamics of you know men and women were very different. Like the power relationships between the sexes were different. Actually, a lot of philosophers and historians and political theorists have recognised that the overlap between polygamy and authoritarianism and that the nuclear family, the stable nuclear family of mum, dad and kids, is one of the best defences against all kinds of social ills. It is the greatest driver of social mobility. The kids have the best chance when they grow up in that environment. The nuclear family basically is the cohesive glue that binds healthy societies together. So, my advice would be to not marry multiple people – just cheat if you have to.
You can follow Nathan on Twitter @nharmond and Instagram @mrharmond