Before you all kick up a stink about the fact that this is technically, in and of itself, another article about marriage equality, I can gladly say that it isn't. It's an article about why I couldn't care less about how you're voting, and nor should you on my vote.
This postal plebiscite farce currently underway is doing exactly what the most of us said it would: causing a great deal of division. On one side of the extreme, you've got a bunch of pious bible-bashers who think that if gay Australians can get married then we'll be opening the legal portholes to a deluge of Mexican Jewish Pomeranians with alopecia being allowed to marry picnic furniture. On the other extreme, you have a frustrated echo chamber comprising all walks of life, who've often behaved no better than dollar-store fascists when the topic is raised.
I got punched by a girl at a party a few weeks back, who then proceeded to dig her nails into my bicep shouting profanities at me because I told her I was voting "no". I told one of my conservative friends that I would be voting "yes" and he nodded and said "fair enough". Call me a social troll all you like, but it's hard to debate that the "no" campaign hasn't been better behaved, if not more obtuse in arguing their point.
The bigger problem I have with the whole saga is that every time I open a paper, or log onto a news site (I don't have social media, and this is exactly why) I am bombarded with a new fucking opinion piece from somebody who thinks that they matter about "Why I'll Be Voting *Insert One Of Two Pretty Simple Fucking Options Here*".
Here's the fact that everybody has overlooked: just because the Government has asked you a question, doesn't mean your opinion matters. If you're a gay person and you'd like to marry another gay person then vote whatever you like. If you're a priest who reckons that the Lord will smite us all if two birds can whack a ring on each others' fingers and sign a bit of paper then guess what: assuming you're on the electoral roll, then you can vote whatever you feel.
Is it any surprise what Tony Abbott and Miranda Devine think? Or anybody who works for Fairfax? If their comments outrage you then FFS don't read them, whatever side of the fence you might be on. Not literally every person with access to a laptop and a Wordpress login needs to voice their opinion on this subject, it just doesn't matter.
I'm not going to be telling anybody how (or if) I voted unless it's to deliberately get a rise, and even then, there's only a 33 per cent chance it'll be the truth – nor should you.
Just put the damn thing in the letterbox and stay off the internet until this whole ordeal is over.