The festive season is a stimulating time for the economy, but evidently it’s less stimulating for the on a physical level. Or at least that’s the case for our British compatriots who reside over the pond. A survey conducted by One Condoms has revealed that 44% of couples will favour a singular sex position which promotes quietness this Christmas to avoid uncomfortable banter at the breakfast table with visiting family.
It brings a whole new meaning to the song ‘Silent Night’.
This really depends on a number of factors, such as how sound-proof your love making den is and the extended relative dynamic. The addition of padded walls and an asylum motif is guaranteed to muffle any noise pollution. Forget the children, won’t somebody please think of the sexual diversification!
The Yuletide has been diminishing the gratification of couples for hundreds of years. It starts to make sense when you consider Jesus was the result of an immaculate conception, which indicates the presence of absolutely zero physical intimacy. The poll participants need to remember that the morning encounter with Great Aunt Beryl will only be problematic if they inject the awkwardness themselves, or else the percentage will never be reduced.
In addition to this, the data also revealed around a third (or 38 percent) of couples would outright decrease the frequency of their fornication. There were some valiant respondents though, as 6 percent stated they would attempt ‘deck the halls’ more frequently. That was in the very broad age bracket of 18 to 65. This result would account for the nymphomaniac members of society. It is possible they fetishised the notion of being caught in the act and this spurred their determination.
A qualified British couples’ counsellor named Annabelle Knight commented to MailOnline that “Family staying [over] can be a hindrance to our sex lives.” Further, she stated that research has indicated a lot of couples will identify methods to enjoy more covert evenings by either embracing noiseless positions or relocating all together. Where there’s a will, there’s a way – or at least a ledge that can be mounted. Despite this, it can seem like a soulless transaction when an audible soundtrack is lacking.
Ms Knight went on to say “Cowgirl and doggy can be noisy, hand-over-mouth is only liked by some, but missionary and spoon sex are seasonal favourites because they allow for all the fun.” The relationship guru maintains those positions have their merits and should not be discredited, despite the comical visuals conjured by the concept of ‘spoon sex’.
The data also implied that a fifth (21 per cent) of the population surveyed would make alternative arrangements regarding saucy behaviour to cope with the presence of their kinsfolk. And more than a third (38 per cent) would commit to the ultimate act of depriving themselves for the entire festive period, with New Year's Day named as the least popular occasion. ‘When Doves Cry’ could be heard playing softly in the distance.