Let’s set the scene. You’ve been chasing her for weeks, donned your freshest threads, trimmed the stubble and splashed on the expensive aftershave. It’s date night, and you’re pretty sure that tonight, she’s going to give you the keys to the proverbial city. You pay the bill, order the Uber and get to your front door, only to have her turn back around the moment she walks through it.
While girls are savvy to the fact that us guys often aren’t lords of interior design, a little respect for your surroundings goes a long way in the pick-up department. While we won’t be so bold as to tell you to keep your rooms clean (if you’re buying PENTHOUSE, you’re already old enough to know that), we will give you a few handy hints that’ll keep you ahead of the pack.
- That crossbow you take piggin’ once a year, and the photo of you passed out at Baz and Sharon’s wedding, and the engraved yard glass Jared got you for your 21st? She hates them all. Trust us. Pop them in your glory box and stick them in the attic, at least until she’s left the house.
- Statistically, single males change their sheets four times a year. If you want to make the fairer sex stick around for longer than the time it takes to peel back the doona, make this a weekly habit (and take two extra minutes each morning to make the damn thing).
- Keep clean spare towels. Nice ones that match for extra points. Women are clean beings and generally like to shower first thing in the morning. Five star service like this will give her even more reason to return to The Hotel Manpad at a later date.
- Don’t just focus on a perfect love-nest. A pristine bedroom is nothing without a clean bathroom to match. The way to a man’s heart may well be through his stomach, but the way to a woman’s involves Harpic Flushmatic.
- Hide your copies of PENTHOUSE. Let her think your supremely well-kept lair is your own creation.