Georgie Wolf is a writer, Melbourne escort and online dating enthusiast. She's been hooking up with guys and girls ever since she was in her twenties and tells us, "If you can think of a way to pick up, I've probably tried it." As a sex worker, she says she's learned a lot of useful skills for having incredible sex and decided to share her knowledge in her new book The Art of the Hook-Up.
How would you define a hook-up?
For me, a hook-up is any sexual encounter that’s too short or too casual to be considered a romantic relationship. From sex party flings to long-term fuck buddies, a hook-up can be anything you want it to be. It’s not just about one-night stands! People often assume casual sex is supposed to be meaningless…but I’ve discovered that when it’s done right, it can be a powerful way to connect with someone, even if you never see them again afterwards.
What makes you an expert on the subject of hooking up?
Honestly, I feel as though I’m the worst ‘expert’ ever. I’m socially awkward and easily distracted – I’m always chasing after a new crush! And when I was younger, I made a lot of mistakes. I’ve gotten into some bad situations and hurt other people. I’m not perfect. Becoming a sex worker has made a huge difference, though. I’d always assumed that sex was supposed to be terrifying and anxiety-inducing and there was nothing I could do about it. Now that I know how to make friends with the people I’m interested in and talk about sex openly, I’m having much more fun. I’ve learned that good sex isn’t about being conventionally attractive or socially confident. All we need are the right skills.
"I’ve learned that good sex isn’t about being conventionally attractive or socially confident. All we need are the right skills."
Is The Art of the Hook-Up your first book? What’s been your journey as an author?
The Art of the Hook-Up is my first full-length book. I’m a freelance writer – I write about seeing sex workers for escort directories and about hook-ups for online dating websites. This book has given me a chance to share all my sex and dating advice in the one place.
What inspired you to write the book?
I’m a total online dating addict. I’ve spent years meeting people on Tinder and showing them the skills I’ve learned as an escort. After our dates, they often say, "Wow, I didn’t know you could do it like that!" After a while, I realised it would be much faster to write a book than to try and sleep with everyone in Australia…although I still enjoy the hands-on approach too. My friends were very supportive of the book. They shared their stories with me – everything from being treated badly by their dates, to dealing with rejection and awkwardness. We often think we’re the only ones who find sex anxiety-inducing, but I’ve learned that it’s something almost all of us struggle with.
Have you ever struggled with bad dates or bad sex yourself?
When it comes to sex, I’ve screwed up in every way possible. I’ve had awkward dates, embarrassed myself, accidentally injured myself (and others) during sex, treated people disrespectfully, felt depressed because I wasn’t getting laid…I’ve made so many mistakes that I feel almost bulletproof now; no matter what might happen, I know I can get through it.
What are some of the subjects that the book covers?
The book is a journey through all the steps we need to take to have a great hook-up. We start by getting our heads sorted out – working out what sort of sexual adventure we’re looking for. Then I talk about my favourite ways to find the right people and start genuine conversations – everything from flirting, to negotiating an encounter, to walking away afterwards in a way that leaves everyone feeling good. After the basics, I also explore advanced sexcapades such as threesomes, butt play and kink. I want everyone to know how to have those adventures too.
Is there a formula having a successful hook-up or does it vary?
Whenever anyone says they have a foolproof method to pick up, it makes me suspicious. People are all different – we’re not all designed to fit together, and everyone wants different things from their hook-ups. One-size-fits-all advice is usually bullshit. But personally, I’ve found that the best sex happens when I genuinely connect with someone – that means being interested in the whole person, not just their junk. Taking the time to get to know to your date and talking about what you both want makes sex so much better! Connected, honest sex is like good coffee; once you’ve tried it, you’ll never want to go back.
Who is The Art of the Hook-Up for and how will it help them?
The Art of the Hook-Up is for everyone – guys, girls, whoever. We all need to be honest about the stuff that’s holding us back. And most of these skills work no matter who you are or who you’re sleeping with. I wrote the book with young people in mind, but it appeals to folks of all ages. While running my hook-up workshops, I’ve been approached by 22-year-old women, middle-aged couples in open relationships, and 50-year-old divorcees. They all get something out of these ideas!
What’s the biggest mistake people make when hooking-up?
When we’re horny, it’s easy to forget that our partners are actually people. I sometimes do it too – if I see someone hot, I start thinking about getting into their pants without considering what they might want from me. This is the difference between flirting and being creepy. When we only think about what we want from the other person, it often makes them uncomfortable. But when we take an interest in them, we form a genuine connection. I try to think about what my potential partners might be looking for and whether I’m right for them – and if I’m not sure, I ask.
"Connected, honest sex is like good coffee; once you’ve tried it, you’ll never want to go back."
What's been your most memorable hook-up?
My best hook-up encounter happened while I was on holiday in Bali last year. I met an American ex-special-forces soldier at a bar next to the beach. We shared a few hours of amazing conversation about our travels, and then I took him back to my hotel room and we tore each other’s clothes off! Because we’d already talked about hooking up, we both knew what to expect. It was honest and natural – this is the kind of hook-up I live for.
What’s been the best advice you’ve been given about hook-ups or sex and relationships?
One of my best guy friends gave me some great advice about rejection on one of my recent podcasts. He told me that that the better we get at hearing "no" (and not taking it personally) the stronger and more confident we appear. Nobody likes a whinger…and being confident enough to say ‘let me know if you’re not interested’ is a real turn-on. Now when I hit on strangers, I often say, ‘Hey, you seem hot – can I take you home? It’s totally okay to say no, by the way.’ People love it – both guys and girls. Often, nobody has ever actually asked them what they want before. Doing this stuff can make you stand out.
Anything else you’d like to add?
Having amazing sex isn’t complicated – it just takes a few skills, and some practice. We can all learn to find the right people, negotiate amazing sex, and go our separate ways leaving everyone feeling good about themselves. That’s what a great hook-up is all about.
Where can we see more of you?
You can find out more about me on my website, or on Facebook. I produce a podcast where I talk with regular folks about their sex and dating adventures. If you’re in Melbourne, I also run workshops in ethical hook-ups. You might even see me on Tinder…if we match, I hope this interview has given you plenty of clues on how to chat me up!
You can buy The Art of the Hook-Up on Amazon here.