The coronavirus outbreak is not only having a huge impact on the global economy, it’s also responsible for massively cockblocking everyone.
Dating during COVID-19 is a bit of a wet blanket (or tissue), really.
Strict social distancing rules in Australia mean that unless you live with a partner, the only bodily fluids you’re likely to have in your vinicity is sprayback from a stray sneeze on your fortnightly run to hell (the supermarket).
If you’ve found yourself in a surprise long-distance relationship it’s important to not let distance become a barrier in keeping the lust alive. And with couples likely to endure months of physical separation as we continue to self-isolate, it’s time to turn to technology. More specifically, app-driven remote control sex toys that have been designed for people in long distance relationships.
Here are a handful of toys for that will help you feel closer to your lover, or friends with benefits.
1. KIIROO ONYX+
The absolute Rolls Royce of long-distance sex toys for men, the Kiiroo Onyx+ is an automatic male masturbator that uses Kiiroo’s unique technology to essentially give you the best robotic handjob ride of your life. It’s a follow-up from their successful Onyx 2 stroker, which sold out globally when it was released. The most exciting part of the Kiiroo? It has a function for long-distance control, meaning partners can sync and essentially control each other’s sex toys via a shared app. The toy also has Bluetooth connectivity, meaning you can sync it to interactive porn, and get this – the toy will mimic what’s being performed within a particular video. You can finally get that blowjob from Alexis Texas that you always dreamed of. When you’re partner isn’t romantically blowing you from afar, obviously.
Get it here.
2. OhMiBod Fuse Interactive Rabbit Vibrator
Now, for the ladies. Introducing the Fuse Interactive Rabbit Vibrator. This rabbit-style interactive vibrator will take your sexy Zoom date to the next level. Featuring 7 wickedly-powerful vibrating functions, the Fuse offers blended internal and external pleasure. The shaft is made of high-quality, silky silicone and is velvet to the touch. The Fuse is an app-controlled toy that allows for control to be given to a partner, whether they’re in the room or isolated across the country. What makes the Fuse really stand out though, is its unique touch-sensitive feature. When it’s in this mode, inserting the vibrator deeper makes the vibration intensity increase, and when it’s pulled out, the intensity softens. The OhMiBod Fuse is compatible with the Kiiroo Onyx+ masturbator, meaning you can control what the other person feels.
Get it here.
3. We-vibe sync and we-connect
This app and toy combo takes long distance loving to the next level. One of you has the toy and one of you downloads the app and controls it, and together you experience intimacy while in separate quarantines. How it works is simple. You touch the screen and the recipients toy let’s them feel it in real time. There’s always an interactive quality of the We-vibe sync and the We-Connect that brings back the intimacy, no matter how far apart you are. The We-vibe has a flexible head, which means it’s likely to fit comfortably in any body, in any position. It has two adjustable points to better target the G-spot and clitoris, with more or less pressure. It’s even got a ‘Beat Mode’ which makes the toy vibrate to the beat of whatever music you’re listening to.
Get it here.
4. Lush and Hush by lovense
This deviant duo is for the couples who like it a bit kinkier. The two-part package comes with Lush – a Bluetooth enabled egg vibrator that sits inside of you and can be controlled by you, a partner or even just set to music. Lush is paired with Hush, the world’s first teledildonic buttplug (also deemed 'the most p. Hush is for the partner who isn’t afraid of a bit of butt stuff or prostate stimulation. You and your lover can use Lush and Hush simultaneously and control each other, or, one of you might play while the other controls the vibrations. When the pandemic is behind us and you’re finally allowed to be within two metres of your beloved again, use the toys for a bit of cheeky discreet public play. Coles has never been so thrilling.
Get them here.
5. Lovense Max 2 and Nora
Similar to the Kiiroo Onyx+ and the OhMiBod Fuse is this pair of interactive sex toys that essentially allow you to have long-distance sex. The toys talk to each other, so when one of you moves your toy, the other toy reacts, enabling you to feel your partners movements in nearly real time. The advanced sensors mean that you’ll feel all of your partner’s actions and reactions during playtime. The toys have intelligent playback, meaning the moves and audio can be recorded and relived another time. You can also connect the toys through the Lovense app and use a third-party video chat service to see each other, allowing you to play together regardless of distance. Hell, maybe watch some coronavirus porn together while you're at it.
Get them here.
Want more? Read our article on 10 sex toys better than Netflix.